Costa Rican Rhapsody

COSTA RICAN RHAPSODY
(to the tune of "Bohemian Rhapsody," with apologies to Brian May, Roger Taylor, John Deacon, and the late, great Freddie Mercury)


"Is this my ultra race?
Is this a death march?
Lost on a back road,
No escape from humidity"

Open my eyes,
Look down at my feet and cry.
"I'm just a slow boy, I ain't no Tico running.
My pace is easy come, easy go.
Downhills slow, Uphills slower.
Anyway the wind blows,
Doesn't ever tailwind for me,
For me."

Merritt, I just killed Tim Holmstrom.
Put some trail shoes on his feet,
Made him run stage 4, now he's beat.
Merritt, the race is not yet done
But now Tim's gone, his photos have blown away.
Rodrigo, ooo-ooo-oooh,
Did you mean to make us cry?
If I show up again this time next year,
Measure once, measure twice
Because the distances really matter.

"So late, will I make the cut-off?
Just want to drink some beer,
Body's aching everywhere.
Goodbye to my toenails - they're going to go
Gonna leave them all behind and lace my shoes
Medics, oooh ooo-ooo-ooh, (any way, this race blows!)
Where's your leukotape?
I sometimes wish I'd bloody just stayed in bed."


"I see so many footprints of front runners."
Juan Carlos, Juan Carlos, why is it you are so fast?
Javier Montero - very very speedy boy.
All the Ticos, All the Ticos,
All the Ticos, All the Ticos,
All the Ticos, There they go - Magnifico (oh-oh-oh-oh)."

"But I'm just a slow boy and everybody drops me"
He's just a slow boy, guzzling electrolytes
Spare him some Gatorade for this hellish odyssey.

"Day is done, build the tent - will I get to sleep?"
Oh no, the wind! It will not let him sleep
Bloody wind! It will not let you sleep (let him sleep)
Bloody wind! It will not let you sleep (let him sleep)
Will not let you sleep - need to sleep (never)
Never let you sleep - need to sleep
Never let you sleep - ooo
No, no, no, no, no, no, no -
"Oh Polar Heart Rate, Polar Heart Rate, Polar Heart Rate, let me sleep."
Eat-all-the-gels! Will the Latvians take him home with them?
With them?
With them?

"So you think you can massage me, see tears in my eyes?
So you think you can heal me, and maybe tomorrow I'll try?
Oh Lindsay, please hurt me more now, please Lindsay.
Just gotta get on - just gotta get on that physio list."


Ooh yeah, ooh yeah.
"Winning doesn't matter.
Anyone can see
Winning doesn't matter -
Winning doesn't matter
To me

But see you all next year..."